we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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