Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
