did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
