i need an iv and a liver transplant
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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