So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
