I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
