I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
