Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
is it fun? or sober?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
