I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
