Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
