I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
