He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
