There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sobbing to NWA
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
