You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
