Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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