That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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