fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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