I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
