He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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