Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
