i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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