Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
