When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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