where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
