I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Drake has all the answers
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
