listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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