Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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