Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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