Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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