why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
