the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
