just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
