Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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