ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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