In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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