Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
