pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
