evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
