At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
