Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
