your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
