and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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