I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
