So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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