i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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