Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
