I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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