It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
