Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
