....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
