She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
