I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
