You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.