Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that