Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...