I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.