I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.