They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.