when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize