I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him