Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?