i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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