I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
