Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she looked like the before picture.
i came on her dog
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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