I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
