Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
