Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
