another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
