He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
