i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
