I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize