My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
