I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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