I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
