Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
