im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
