Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
