For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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