At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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