Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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